I wish it was November.

Stress

So I took a day off school to relax and write, but I think I'm stressing more right now than I have all week.

I had this grand plan at the beginning of the year: I would always do my homework, keep up with due dates on everything, not procrastinate. And while I've actually done a pretty good job of that, these senior project deadlines have snuck up on me. Completely.

Today all these forms are due, and I don't even have a mentor yet. Cue the hyperventilation.

Inspiration.

I'm up late, which is ok only because I plan on skipping school tomorrow to lounge around, write, and hopefully finish my summer project which was due last Wednesday.

I've mentioned before that I like to read other people's blogs, and why. But they also inspire me. People write these beautiful profound sentences that I could've never dreamed up. In a way it's almost like a challenge to myself; this voice in my head says, "You could never write like that." and then the defiant part of me wants to prove it wrong.

But lately I've started finding inspiration in so many things. The littlest things. I was standing outside of work the other night, waiting for my ride, and it was a Sunday, so it was just starting to get dark. And this guy I work with, Travis, went out into the parking lot to get a cart someone had left. As he was walking back toward the store, in the almost empty parking lot with this one cart, I just thought, "this is a beautiful moment."

I keep seeing these beautiful moments. They make me feel alive. They also make me want to write. I want to capture this everyday beauty in a way that other people can understand. I want to show people that moments like this can be beautiful. You just have to learn to look for them.

I'll leave you with this; my best friend just said it to me on Facebook, completely out of the blue. It sums up my feelings, too:

"i want to be great. thats why i'm jealous of naturally talented people because i want to be remembered for something"

Senior Year

So I've been really bad about posting on this ol' blog thingy. But I want to do so, more, because I really really want to document senior year.

This past week has had the most events so far, no doubt, so I suppose I'll go ahead and talk about that.

Monday was Tegan and Sara. They were so amazing. I got to ask them a question. I jumped up and down, and screamed, and grinned like an idiot, and had one of my all time favorite people there to share it with me. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, really.

Tuesday, my flashdrive killed all of my summer work (due Wednesday). I had a breakdown.

Wednesday, I felt completely unlike myself. I had so many of these moments of just pure emptiness.

Thursday, I got better. And a girl asked me to go to a movie with her.

Friday was Friday. It came and passed just like all Fridays do, at first with excitement and then with a mild apathy and a feeling of anticlimax. At least, that's how Fridays go for me.

Saturday morning, I have good music, the echoes of good dreams in my head, and a sort of optimism for the day, even though I have to work. I think I'm going to go take a walk while it's still cold, and pretend that it's already fall.