NaNoWriMo

In approximately ten minutes, NaNo begins.

I'm nervous. And cold, but I think that just has to do with the fact that I'm wearing boxers and drinking a cold beverage.

But you know what? I think I just realized one of the reasons I love NaNoWriMo so much. One of the things I struggle with the most is feeling like a kid again, getting enthusiastic about things and approaching everything with excitement and wide-eyed wonder. And NaNo gives me that.

I mean, I feel like it's Christmas eve right now, only instead of Santa coming to give me gifts, I'm the one giving myself a gift, a little literary baby that will be born right from my fingertips in seven minutes.

That's all I've really got. I don't want to run out of words.

A Side Note

I just saw an amazing play. I was going to talk about it. And how much it affected me.

But instead I'm going to write a letter to a girl. Just because I need to get these words off of my chest so that maybe the feelings attached to them will float away.

Dear You,

I think that if you let me I could fall in love with you.

I wish that we could talk like we used to.

I wish you talked to me at all.

I forget about you sometimes. But when I remember you it just hurts, because I see that you're perfect for me but you obviously don't.

I'm crossing my fingers that our paths will cross again soon, and that when they do I become a permanent fixture in your life, and you in mine.

I'm sorry I wasn't whatever you needed me to be.

Sincerely, Chelsea

This wasn't meant to be sad. I just...really needed to put those words down.

Company.

So lately I've felt like people only want to be in my company for themselves.

What I mean is, they don't want to hang out with me. They just want company, and they don't care who it is. And so I'm just a stand-in for better company.

A few weeks ago I was uninvited to something because the girl who invited me just wanted someone to go with, and when she found someone else to go with her, she didn't need me anymore.

Now, my best friend, who I've been dying to hang out with, asked me to hang out. But only because she "needs something to do Friday night" because her boyfriend is going to a party she doesn't want to go to.

This, plus the idiotic decision by my theater teacher to put me in a position of power so that everyone in class hates me, really makes me feel disconnected from everyone.

And I really need to connect with someone right now.